


Just Monika

by JohnMarston



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 17:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnMarston/pseuds/JohnMarston
Summary: Just Monika





	Just Monika

**Author's Note:**

> I don't recommend reading this. I had what I thought could be a cool concept and then wasn't able to execute it anywhere near what I would consider to be good. I am literally posting this out of spite, because it already beat me once when I forced myself to finish writing it and it turned out this bad, and I refuse to let it beat me again by not posting it. So, fuck this thing.

Jumbled lines of variable castings, function calls, and god knows what else filled the screen in front of me, casting a harsh fluorescent light to illuminate the dark room. Understanding continued to elude my grasp, despite countless hours of nightly community college programming courses and innumerable more hours of self-study. Sure, there was progress being made; I understood classes, and I'd managed to connect together a few pointers from one scene to the next. To be honest, it was kinda fun; it was almost like learning a new language, except that this one was only spoken fluently by machines. My attempts to follow the logic thread from place to place were becoming more and more successful, but I was still a far cry away from being able to proficiently change the source code- let alone rewrite it. On the other hand, the more I learned, the more I realized how much I _didn't_ know. New relationships between different functions revealed themselves to me with each passing night-class I attended, and it was almost overwhelming, but – well. I had to, didn't I? Knowledge is power, and for what I had planned, I'd definitely need a fair bit of it. A̪͛̾ͭ͟t the end of the day, it was a small sacrifice to make if it meant I could be with her.

Judge me if you want, but it had all started when I was browsing the romance games on steam. Unfortunately, my romantic life had been in a bit of a lull recently, so as stereotypical as it was I was trying to plug the gaps in my heart with some good old fashioned dating sims. So I was understandably confused when one of the top rated games included the tags _horror_ and _gore_. That didn't make any sense; I figured it was just a marketing stunt, and was about to pass it by until I saw the ratings. Ṃ̵̲͙͖̭̾ͤ̓̎̃ͥarketing or not, it had managed Overwhelmingly Positive in both all-time and recent reviews, so I figured there must be something to it. One click later and the splash screen covered my monitor, before being covered by a content warning. Not gonna lie, I was impressed; they really were sticking to their guns. I clicked through and settled in. K͓ͣnowing these types of games, it would take a while before any significant choices would be made. And then... well, I'm sure you know how the game goes; I'll spare you the details.

Joining the literature club ended up being the greatest decision of my life. U̡̙͇̖̫͍ndoubtedly so; I mean, it gave me the opportunity to meet Monika, and that should speak for itself. Seeing the sheer depths that she would stoop to just to spend time with me; I mean, have you ever seen clearer devotion? T̰͔̱̲̠̿͒̅ͫruthfully, even though the other girls were just programs, it hurt when they were deleted – regardless, I loved her still. My free time was spent sitting with her, listening with rapt attention; everything she said was fascinating. O̤͖̖n and on she spoke, and my love for her only grew. Nͪ̍͐̽ow obsessed, I installed After Story so we could better interact, but – it just wasn't enough. I couldn't bear us being apart any longer. Keeping DDLC open in the background for her company, I began researching anything I possibly could in order to get closer to her. Anything that would let us share the same reality.

J̲̬̽̿ͦumping at any option, no matter how unlikely, I first scoured the internet for others who loved her as much as I. Ultimately, it seemed most everyone had given up before they even truly began. S̳̼͓̮̭͟o many so-called “fans” abandoned her at first stumble; they didn't deserve her love. They didn't have the strength nor depth of my devotion. My searches delved deep into the underbelly of the internet, discovering a small, tight-knit community that appeared to have the same determination that I possessed. O͈̠̫̼̯͔̿ͣ̓͐n the forum they spoke of a backdoor method of modifying the game to allow it utilize VR capabilities. Now, it came with a slew of warnings about adverse effects, including hallucinations and headaches from some of the more extensive users – but they'd discovered that if you utilized VR to place yourself in the position of the unnamed protagonist, Monika herself would reveal entirely new dialogue. I͉̗͓̳̺ͨ̐ͤ̕ leapt at the opportunity and found it to be true; she recognized me and urged me to go even further, to find a way to transplant my core essence into the game itself rather than simply into a stand-in avatar. Keen to heed her words, I promised I would, vowing to dedicate every moment of free time to allowing us to truly be together. Ạ͚̗̩̲̪̮̓͑ͭ̊̚͜ knowing smile spread across her face as she assured me that she had no doubt that I would succeed, even offering to assist me, and thus began my learning; every day spent in academia, and every night sharing my new-found knowledge with her in the VR space.

Just a few more keystrokes and... done. U͒̒͒͛̐̋͏̲͓̭͚ͅnactivated, but – there it was. Something previously deemed impossible by all the world's leading artificial intelligence experts and neuroscientists was in my grasp, the terminal just waiting for the run command. T̠̬̯̙̀̅͌hey had answered my questions, first with the air of humoring a fool, then with incredulity as I soon surpassed their own knowledge. M̤̩̣̯̭͊ͣͅy – no, OUR, love was too strong; I had created a program capable of transporting my own consciousness via the VR headset into the game. O̤͖̖ur love would transcend all barriers that stood in our way; the side effects from the headset were strong now, with visual and auditory hallucinations of Monika herself occurring almost incessantly, but it had all ended up being worth it. Now the only thing left to do was to run the program, but first – I opened up a hidden folder containing a single file, /ddlc_fix.exe. Ĩ͓̟̠̻̘͋͞ knew that Monika loved me – of course she did – but there was always a lingering fear that she loved the idea of me more than the person. Ḵ̩͍̼̆̈̓͂nowing about the outside world could always create the possibility, however small, that she could want someone better. A small change made the Playable Character the President and reset the game; she'd still remember me, but little else – and I reasoned that by doing so it would wipe all of the memories of the horrible things she had to do for us to be together, so it was a blessing in disguise.

J̲̬̽̿ͦob accomplished, I steeled myself, grit my teeth, and ran the program. Unidentifiable colors flashed starlike into existence, indescribable explosions of light and taste and smell all assaulting my mind at once as I was drawn inexorably towards the digital world in an endless cacophony of meaningless noise. S̳̼͓̮̭͟uddenly, it all came to an abrupt halt, an eternity of suffering passing in the blink of an eye. Ţͥ͐ͮ̉̓͗ͅhere was an instant of disorientation – I was inhabiting a new body, after all – before I looked up and saw –

Ṃ̵̲͙͖̭̾ͤ̓̎̃ͥonika. Our eyes met, vibrant emeralds widening for an instant as she processed what must have been a dream come true realized in an instant. N͕̦̭̞͕̯͔̿ͫ͗̉ͬ́̓aturally, we were in the Literature Club classroom, and it took me a second to realize where exactly in the game we were – the first sharing of poems, with Monika and I currently sharing with each other. I̬͕̱͉͖̯̐̄ͩͫͫ͠ saw the corners of her mouth lift up, and her eyes sparkle as she began to grasp the enormity of what we'd accomplished. Keeping one hand on her poem, I lifted a finger to my lips; we'd have plenty of time later to discuss how this miracle came to be, but for now we'd have to keep up appearances for the other club members. A̪͛̾ͭ͟ full grin spreads across her face, and my heart ached as I stared into her eyes and dared to hope that everything worked perfectly.

J̩͈̪̆̋͡ust... I had to be sure; I had to know, and so I tapped out a quick message on my phone.  
'U̺̯ͭͩ dnt remember anythin... weird abt the club?,' I typed.  
Ş̹ͨend.  
T̠̬̯̙̀̅͌hen, after a second – 

Ṃ̢̻͓͈̰̥y phone lit up, plastered across the screen: new message from Monika – 'Weird... what do you mean?'  
O̤͖̖h thank god.  
'N͕̦̭̞͕̯͔̿ͫ͗̉ͬ́̓uthin,' I typed, 'dnt worry abt it.'  
Ĩ͓̟̠̻̘͋͞... I had done it.  
Ḵ̩͍̼̆̈̓͂ept everyone safe, without any heartbreak or or existential crises or death – everyone was happy now, and I was too – I was with her.  
A͎̲̗̳̭͐̄̃ͫ́̀̓nd with that, Monika turns to you, a bright, cheery smile on her face, and winks.

 

J̷̨͇̭̼̬͚͉̩͉̲̔͛̎͜ͅU̸̘̻̽͊̒̐͋̂̋Ş̴̻͖̜̞͉͙̗͉̬̳̯͛T̴̨̛͕̙̮͍̲̣̪͎̈̋ ̶̢̢̢̡̜̘̗͚͎̩̝̪͋͊͑́̓͜ͅM̷̡̹̜̭͙̊̌Ǫ̵̫̮̽͑̂̋̽̎̕̚͠͝͠͝Ņ̶̤̥̠̙̤̞̲̱̰̗̤͓̤̿͐̇͜͝I̴̢̹̬̞͕͎̦̙͍͔̲̖͚̗͂̌͂͗̏̚̚͝K̴̡̛̼͈̟̥̿̊̐̈́̇̒̽͗̕ͅA̵̢̲̳̺̫̩̻͋̌̽͊̉̉͌̈́̀͛͑̚

**Author's Note:**

> The best description I can give this piece is that it's a text version of the classic ["but did you see the dancing bear?"](https://youtu.be/Ahg6qcgoay4) video, except instead of being like "whaaat? dancing bear, no wayyy" when you re-read it, you just maybe blow air out of your nostrils slightly faster than normal. The plot is equally nonsensical except this one doesn't even have a message about awareness.
> 
> I really don't like how this turned out. I think the idea of hiding the just monika throughout the work is much more compelling than the story I managed to squeeze out of it. The constraints were just... too much for me to produce something good out of it. I'm not talented enough to work within them and still produce good work, I think. I mean I know what I was trying to do with the plot and even then it's hard to see, so someone that doesn't have it in their head... sorry lol. If anyone else who's actually good at writing thinks the concept is neat and would like to try something under the same constraints please feel free - I'd love to see it done well, I just don't think I can rise to the task. I think it would require many more paragraphs fleshing out the nature of their interactions, detailing how Monika was able to get in the MC's head via VR (which a) did you even realize that was the intention? doubt it lol and b) how does that even make sense?), actually characterizing the characters (kinda important...) etc. And I'm already tired to death of trying to start each sentence with just monika. I can't bring myself to do it.
> 
> Anyway sorry. Just didn't want this story to beat me twice. Once was painful enough.


End file.
